Shannie’s Story | Part 1

Shannie joins me to share parts of her life, her journey into the club, and the woman she is beyond the spotlight.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I don't know. That's why I'm on this side of the mic.

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Girl, yeah, you have the easy ones. Just say yeah, baby.

SPEAKER_01 0:05

So Welcome to More Than Glitter, Voices Unheard, a podcast where the stories shimmer brighter than the stage lights. I'm your host, Mariah Edwards, and I invite you to join me on a journey into the lives of those whose voices are as captivating as their performances. Here in R Safe Space, we go beyond the glitter and glam. We sit down with dancers from all walks of life, uncovering the stories behind the sparkle. This isn't just a show about strippers, it's about the person beneath the persona. Today we sit down with Shani, a person whose radiant smile and infectious laugh brightens up every space she enters. What's your earliest memory and why do you think it stands out to you?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

I think my earliest childhood memories, honestly, like the furthest, furthest back I can think of to where I was really the youngest, it had to be at my brother's dad's house. That we would stay over there on weekends, and he was super young, so he was super cool. And we would just like play around in his big ass house, and he had a girlfriend, which was basically like our stepmom, and she would do my hair. She had a daughter and two boys, and I have it's me, and then I have two older brothers, so it was just like her kids, too, you know. That's one of my earliest. Other than that, all I can think of is like all my birthday parties, those are the only things I remember really.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

I love that. Your birthday party is so cute. Because it's about me, bitch. Yeah, I knew that. What is the happiest memory of your childhood?

SPEAKER_00 1:45

The happiest memory of my childhood. Your birthdays, mostly my birthdays, and then basically just having freedom, just being able to do what I wanted. Like my mom was very like, yeah, go off, pop off, do what you want. But if you do something bad, I'm gonna beat your ass. So I had a lot of fun like doing whatever I wanted, just going to my friend's house. We were little klepto's, we were like nine years old around there, ten, and we would just like steal left and right. We will go to all the stores, those were my happy favorites. We will go to all the stores and go steal lip glass and gum and hot Cheetles. I love it. Okay, you say ghetto. Oh my god, because that was one of them, yeah. I love it so much. But we got caught. We we got caught, but even that wasn't bad for me because my friend got beat by her mom. But I got yelled at, and then I just went to the pool in our backyard and just chilled for the rest of the day because I had a long day, girl. I almost went to jail. I was dressing, I was stressed and girls. No, 100%. I was a klepto.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

SPEAKER_00 3:05

A hairdresser. I've always liked hair, nails, all the aesthetics, all the cute girly stuff. And then I went to beauty school after high school, graduated, but never got my license because I didn't take the state board because girl life got in the way, so I just didn't do it. But I was a hairdresser with you know unlicensed, but I was doing hair out there in Miami for a little bit, and then I just realized like I rather own this than to work in it because labor, you know, like standing there that long, blow drying and shit, like all that shit, like all these bitches want in Miami is a blow dry, highlights, and an old lady cut. Like that's literally all they used to want back in the day. And it was $25 to $30 for a blow dry, and it just wasn't it wasn't mathing the hours that I would put in and then the money I was getting. So I'm like, nah, this is yeah. So I just switched to I don't know what the hell I started doing after got some weird job, but yeah, I still love it. I still love doing all of that, and I still want to own like a salon one day.

SPEAKER_01 4:14

How would you describe your relationship with your family growing up?

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Growing up, it was cool. I have a very interesting family dynamic, but yeah, it was pretty chill. Everybody, you know, there was actually no, everyone went to rehab except me. Fingers crossed. Yeah, it was a lot of hectic shit, but for me, it was normal. So I was chilling until you know, some negative shit. But yeah, it was it was Are you close to your brother? Um, as close as I can be, yeah. I've always been closer to the middle brother, and life got to him, I guess. So now he's kind of like, you know, standoff ish. Uh my other brother, he's in New York. We were all pretty close. We were all honestly pretty close. And then I guess like after they had families and stuff, you know, like and moved around. We kind of like separated, which I understand. It's nothing, you know, toxic, but I have a pretty healthy relationship with them. And your mom? My mom passed away when I was 11. Yeah, that's when shit got flipped upside down. That's you know, when I so I was born in Miami, and when I was five, we moved to Nebraska with my mom and our stepdad. We were over there for five years, and then when she passed, we moved back to Miami, and then after that, it was, you know, adjusting to being there again and all of that traumatic stuff. How did she pass away? Ovarian cancer. Well, it was lung, I think, and then it went to her ovaries. Was it fast? Yeah, you read my mind. I was about to say, yeah, it was fast. It was um, it was less than a year. It was less than a year, the whole like process. It was weird seeing that happening as a child because I didn't understand, but I knew something was wrong, you know? And my stepdad would try to like cover his tracks, like when he was helping her with stuff, but ultimately there was no hiding, bringing a hospital bed into the house, you know, and her wearing wigs. And I'm like, why are you wearing a wig? Why don't you wear why did you cut your hair? Like, I didn't understand, but I kind of did. I knew I just wanted them to tell me. Like I kind of knew what was going on, but I just needed their confirmation to be like, oh, well, this, this, and that, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

You think it was harder because they weren't open with you?

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Yeah, it was my whole family, is very much like I don't want to say reserved. They don't like addressing issues. Like, I'm not in in that sense, we're very different because I'm the type that if there's an issue, I'm gonna address it immediately because why wait? You know, like what's the point of it? Like, you gotta address shit when it happens. They just like very, very much like sheltered us in that way and didn't really like explain much. So we had to put the pieces together in our minds, try to make something of the answers that they did give us. Try to, yeah, make sense of it. But yeah, now looking back, like, and now like when I would ask my aunt and stuff like, oh, so what about this? And like shit that I just never got answers for. And she tells me what she knows. At the end of the day, she doesn't know everything. So it's like I'm still left with these questions, but it doesn't, it doesn't really like bother me too much that I don't know because it happened. Like, what am I gonna do? You know, like I can't like I know enough to be fine.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Who took care of you after your mom passed away?

SPEAKER_00 7:59

My grandma. So my stepdad and my mom were together since I was two years old, and she passed when I was 11. So he was supposed to stay with us, but he freaked out and he dipped off after he called my grandma's like, come get these kids. I don't know what to do, like I'm scared, like you know, I can't raise them. My grandma came and we all flew back to Miami, and then she raised us from there, super old school Honduran, meaning I got my ass beat a lot. But then again, my mom used to beat my ass too. But I deserved that shit. When my grandma would do it, I was just like, damn. Because you know, like older people, they have their they have their ways, and she was raised fucking insane. Insane. So I don't even blame her now. But growing up, I was like, you hate me. Like you hate the fuck out of me. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

How did you get to Minnesota?

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Um, so my friend Jamie, I met her at the club in Miami. She actually wanted to beat my ass when she met me because I accidentally stepped on her toes, I guess. I don't know. I still to this day tell her, like, bitch, you know that was mine. Like, don't fucking play. Whatever. It was like some customer was bawling up hundred dollar bills and like randomly throwing them at us. And then, like, there was money on the floor too, like ones and stuff. And then we were both dancing, and then we started picking up, and then I was like, picking up the hundreds too. And she's like, uh-uh-uh, I don't know what you think you're doing, blah blah. I was like, so she I go back to the fucking dressing room after it's all done, and she's like, Come here, come here, the house mom. And I'm like, What? And she's like, You need to go talk to this girl, she's about to beat your ass. I'm like, who? Like, what are you talking about? She's like, go to Riley and go talk to her, make it right because she's gonna beat your ass. And I'm like, okay, so I go to her, I'm like, hey, are we good? Like, what's going on? And she's like, Well, I'm just gonna tell you right the fuck now. Don't be fucking stepping on my toes. She gave me the whole thing, and she's like, and you're lucky, I don't beat your ass. And I'm just like, you know what? I am lucky because she's fucking big. She beat my ass. So yeah, I'm lucky. I'm gonna take this. I was like, yes, ma'am. Yeah, we were cool after that. We became really good friends. Like, she would put me on, she taught me a lot of the game, all that stuff. So then me and a friend were like, oh, we want to go travel, we want to go somewhere else to dance. She's like, Why don't you guys try Minnesota? They just opened up a club, Rhino, and that's how I brought my Cuban ass over here. Liked it because I was like, princess treatment, only top list. We don't have to show coochie or booty holes, we don't have to do no $10, $10 dances or $5 dances because that's what the fuck Miami was talking about. They can't touch you, they can't do all that crazy shit. So I was like, yes, let's go. Like, what you mean? And I don't have to do some stuff in the room. I'm like, I paid my dues, baby. I'm ready to be a good girl. Time me up, so then I moved. That's it. I just moved. I just left everything over over there, and I was like, fuck it. I came here.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

What was something you needed as a child but never received?

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Well, besides the obvious love and affection, uh I would say, because my family wasn't very affectionate. My grandma was very affectionate, but I wasn't raised with her like in the beginning. So basically, love and affection and more like reassurance, like, oh, good job. Oh, you look cute. Like, just like, I don't know, like tell me that I'm doing a good job. Like, if I'm doing something don't like, oh, but it's not good enough. Like, okay, so you want a cookie for that? You're supposed to do that, you know, type shit. So that's that's how it kind of was when my grandma took over, and my mom just like more love and affection. Maybe I would because she she did like every now and then, but she's she was a Leo, so you know, a little they're they have very big hearts, but sometimes it's like hard for them to show emotion, I feel, from my experience. Internal stuff, because material stuff, I had everything when my mom was alive, and then after that, I didn't have shit, so that's why I'm here today, shaking pussy on stage to feed my kids.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

And for the listeners, she's talking about her fur babies.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Umo and indie, my toy poodle and my multi poo. I've been a mother for three years now. A mother. Yeah, they don't know what I do for them. I don't know. You should interview him later, you should interview them a different time.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

I tell Penny all the time that she has no idea what I do to get her bone money.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

I swear. I swear. Those little jackets that she has, the little cute outfits, the the vet bills, mmm, blood, sweat and tears.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

What motivated you to start dancing and how old were you?

SPEAKER_00 13:02

21 and I was broke as fuck. I had this, so I don't know what got into me, but I just left my house because it was just a hard time. Like I just me and my grandma weren't getting along. Like she had this huge fear that I was gonna be like my mom, which I definitely am still very much like her, very free spirit, very, I'm gonna do what I want, very much outspoken. We were butting heads a lot, and she ended up kicking me out. I don't know if she meant it or not, but I was like, okay, bet. So then I left and I, you know, was on my own for a bit, like staying with friends and stuff like that, like close friends, like close like family friends. I have this cousin that's not like blood blood, but like we were raised together, and our moms were best friends in Nebraska and in Miami and stuff. We hadn't seen each other in like 10 years, so we finally got kind like connected again on Facebook and I went to go see her. I guess I was so thirsty for like family that I was I dropped everything and me and her fucking moved together. Like I moved with her and her mom in the ghetto, let me tell you, the trenches. Anyone listening? Little Havana in Miami over there on 12. Yeah, the fucking hood. If you know, you know. But I don't know why I did that to myself. But we were struggling, girl. Like, struggling, like barely have money for food. Like, lucky we didn't have to pay rent because we were at her mom's and like all this crazy shit, taking the train, the bus, all that to get to this job that she had at the mall at a kiosk. And the mall was like 45 minutes away. And I was like, hook me up. So he got me a job there too. Like my cousin's boss got me a job there, 850 an hour. She got 850. I got eight. Yeah, because she was manager. So, um, so yeah. Then we got an apartment in like the real ghetto, and we were basically struggling again. And then I met this girl, uh, girl that I actually still talk to today. Like, we're still close. She was like nowhere near the industry, you know what I mean? Like, nowhere near like knew anything about that life. And she was just like, I'm gonna go, I need some money. I'm gonna go strip. And I'm like, okay, what? Like, let me know how it goes. Girl, she went, mind you, this girl has no game, no nothing. Like, I don't care if she hears this, this, because you know you ain't got no hustle. She came back with like $150, and I was like, What? So find me up. Let's go. I love it. We went to her grandparents' house and they made us a little cocktail and took pictures of us before we went into work. We had little trips, we had cuddles. Her grandparents were the best. I loved them, loved them. They were so nonchalant, chill. Like, well, if that's what you want to do, sweetie, yeah. You guys look amazing. You guys are gonna make a lot of money. Here, let's take a picture. And we're like, yeah, we're like, if I could find the pictures, I would see. But I need them. So I went to this janky ass club because I'm broke, and $150 sounded way better than a can of ravioli on the stove, heating it up that way because we had nothing, and eating it with rice because it was cheap and easy. I was like, okay, we went. I went in these little one-inch boots to my knees, uh, boots that were old that I used to go out in. I had like a little bikini off of Amazon or something. Girl, took over that shit. I went on that stage, like I ran that bitch. It was just my calling. Like, I know it was for me. I went home with $200 and I was like, done. I'm done. I quit the job. I kept dancing, and I've been dancing ever since.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

So did your cousin start dancing too?

SPEAKER_00 16:41

So my cousin, she she like went on to like do her own thing, and then she got with somebody and they like had their own thing. I went off on my own and uh my friend, she only did it a couple more times. We went to a different club, but she didn't really fit in because I mean, like, she don't have like a you know, body. Uh even if she didn't have a body, she has no game. So she she didn't really like comprehend, like, oh, you have to run game on them, you have to make them think you have to whatever make them want you, like shit like that. And we were young, you know, so she only did it a few more times, and also she was epileptic, and the lights in the club kept making her dizzy. So I'm like, bitch, if you have a seizure here, if you have a seizure here, like chill out, and then she just stopped going. Yeah, she's been considering it lately. I'm like, girl, you're too like that chip has failed, baby. I would just have your chance. What you had your chance, girl. Come on.

SPEAKER_01 17:40

What are common misconceptions people have about stripping? Common misconceptions.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

I would say that so a couple things. I feel like everyone thinks that dancers have to do what we do. Like it's not a choice, like we have to be there, and that they have to save us, and like they have to like feel bad for us, like feel like pity. Like, I feel like they think that we have no control over the situation. And that's a misconception because baby, we're controlling it by letting you think that we don't control this. But that and that they think that we just get digged down all the time. Like, I get told so many times, like, how many boyfriends you got? I'm like, man, I don't know. I wish I had some. I ain't got no roster. Like, you trying to sign up? Like, I don't get no play. Like, what are you talking about? You too bad to bub. Um, that's why. Cause I'm too bad. I don't want to just give like throw my coochie out the window, whoever catches it catches it. So, no, you gotta pay some bills or something. Like, damn. Yeah, so they think that we just are have all these fucking like real life boyfriends and all this dick that we just get dicked down coming in from everywhere and my fucking any hole. And then, yeah, any fucking hole. Put in my ear. I don't know. And then the whole, like, yeah, them thinking that we have to do this, like that we have no choice, that we just ended up your life, brought us like it did bring us there, but not in a negative way. Like, I'm grateful. The best decision I ever made was to move out and to become a fucking stripper. Those are the two top decisions that I will never regret. Because obviously, like it builds character, and it's just I was just made for this shit, you know. I'm made for more, I'm made for, you know, obviously more. But the time that I have done this, it was supposed to be that way for sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

How does being a dancer impact your relationships?

SPEAKER_00 19:34

I don't trust no man, as anyone should do, also. Like, don't nobody in this world should ever trust the man. But dancing just makes it that much harder because I see the married man, like obviously, like judgment and like all that comes into play. Like, what do you see that's wrong? Like, what do you consider wrong and right? Because I know the culture right now is to have a man, a side man, a side side man, and then the just in case. Like, it's too messy for me. Like, I'm very much old school when it comes to relationship. Like, I don't like all that extra shit. Like, I'm very like, if we're gonna if our souls are gonna be fucking tied, there can be nothing else in there. They can't unless I don't know, we want to fucking threesome cool. But I get to choose pay, but you're not cheating on me because you're lucky I can't kill you. Like, you're not cheating on me because then you're dead, and then karma is gonna get you worse than I could have ever, you know? Like, it's like why do all of that and why play with people nowadays? Like, this shit is just a joke. Relationships are a joke nowadays, they're not to be taken seriously just for show. People get people date people just to look good. People date people because they're lonely and they don't know what they're missing in life. But what they're missing is in life is them loving themselves. Like, you can't look for something somewhere else that you can't give yourself. Like, you know, like if you're not capable of giving it to yourself at least, like be sure that you want to go for that person to give you what you're so much craving. Like, is it really worth it? People don't care, they don't care now. They're just like, Yeah, I'll give this, I'll tie souls with this guy. Yeah, cool. Let's fake date for whatever. Like, now tricks and stuff, that's different. That's a different, but like, as far as like me wanting to be with somebody and like actually, like, I don't think I could ever trust a man again. Like, you know, we get married men, we get guys with girlfriends, we get all of that stuff, and they, you know, I know some a lot of their wives don't know. Like, some of them are cool, which is fucking lit. Like, hey, bring her next time, we'll go to a room. But like other people just being sneaky and stuff, like they're lucky it's my job not to really give a fuck and judge them because realistically, when I come home and think about it, I'm like 30 dog. I'll slap the shit out of him if I catch his ass doing some shit like that to me, you know? Like, and then they just over sexualize us. I can't. Because I know that every man just wants to fuck me. Like ultimately, yeah, that's what you end up doing. But they look at me and they're like hot stripper bitch. Set. They don't see, oh, but she's oh, but she likes to do this. Oh, but she's actually cool. And she just, you know, they're just like, and even when they do get to know me, like come often at the club and like have conversations with me, those oh my god, how oh, you're just so cool and you're so this and so that. But at the end, they is just about fucking. It's not, oh, I would really like wife you for real. You know, when they say like, let me take you out of here, let me wife you. Like, yeah, okay. But like for real, for real, like, oh, I'm actually really interested. Like, let me get your number. Like, I really do want to take you out. Like, I really do see myself with you. I don't get that. I don't get that at all. I get what you trying to do, what you doing after this? Let me take you out. You ain't never met a real one like me. Yeah, so fuck that. Dating is out the window for me for now. And I just been alone for the last like three years, and I'm just Gucci. Like, I'm good, like I don't want no one near me. So until I'm ready, I won't even look at a man like that at all.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

How do you handle the stigma or judgment associated with dancing?

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Um, I tell them to fucking try me and find out. Like, find the fuck out. What you gotta say? Let me hear it. Let me hear it. Find out. I don't know. I just really don't be giving a fuck. Back in the day, maybe I gave a little fuck. Now that I'm old. I know you didn't. I mean, let's just a little bit, because I was just like, but what if they know?

SPEAKER_01 23:43

As you hang out with your friend's grandparents and take pictures.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Girl, they was shroom out, they were so chill. I love them. They was hippies, they've been together since they were 15. They've had orgies. They used to tell us about all their crazy, they're very open with her, which that's why I love her because we see eye to eye on so much because she's so open-minded. One thing about me, I cannot be around a closed-minded person. It I if I could spontaneously combust in flames being around people like that, I would. Like, I I wouldn't even have a choice. Like, I would they would just piss me the fuck off because we can go into it, but I'm a rant. We can go I'm a rant. I'm a rant.

SPEAKER_01 24:24

My thing is this I think I'm too much of a deep conversationalist, and so I get bored with ordinary people. Like, unless you want to talk about aliens and God and how many lives we've had, then I don't really want to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

And it's not saying that even what if it's all wrong? What if there is no God? And what if exactly and what if this is just it? But the fact that we can't have an open conversation about it and just talk about it like without them getting mad and offended, and like I can't that's one thing I can't stand.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

Like, if you're gonna sit here and actually listen to me, cool, we can talk forever. But ooh, she popping off. You gotta go check on that. She popping up. I was hoping you couldn't hear.

SPEAKER_01 25:11

No, that's the neighbor's dog. She sees her because we don't have fences in our backyard, and so she sees the neighbor's dog in our backyard. Oh, and it's on site.

SPEAKER_00 25:20

Mm-hmm. It's on site. Oh, she's ready.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

Now, or she's seen a deer or a squirrel. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's the dog next door, but it happens with deer and squirrels too.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

She's a protector, let her do her job. I feel like when I try to tell people like things, things that I like my point of view or things that I like doing, and then they just automatically like, wait, you what? And uh, I automatically shut off. I'm like, ooh, wrong person to tell because they are just judging, they don't give a fuck. And honestly, a lot of those people have exited my life either on their own or I have cut them off. Because what's the point? If I can't talk to you about weird shit, if I can't tell you that I saw a fucking UFO and you're not gonna believe me, then why are we talking? Because I would believe you. I would definitely, you know, you have them designated friends that it's like, bitch, I'm telling you right now, if I go missing with my dogs, it was the fucking aliens that kept visiting me at night. You know, some shit like that.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

What kind of support system do you have within dancing?

SPEAKER_00 26:28

I've always had really good support as far as like dancing. I've never really like just been on my own with it as far as like being like a lost deer kind of thing, like not knowing what to do, answering my own questions. You know, I had Jamie, thankfully, to answer a lot of those questions, and then we had a mutual friend that she, you know, answered a lot of those questions. And it was just I always had kind of like a big sister kind of vibe. Yeah, I would work alone uh at the club and stuff, but at the end of the day, I could call them and be like, oh, so this, and they'll be like, Well, next time I'm off this bitch, you just fell but I'm like, oh, okay. Like, kind of like that. Like, I've always luckily, thankfully, great, I'm so grateful for it that I've had that support because I'm a really bad decision maker. Like, I stress out and I stress out, I'll do the fucking equations in my head, I'll do all this stuff and still make the wrong decision. I kind of, you know, like I'm grateful that they the and my family too, honestly. My family, I never really talked to them in depth about it, but I will tell them like little like PG stories. Um, my brothers, they they are supportive now. They're they're more like, yeah, do you like that? They see it as a regular job now because of how I act. You know, some girls get swallowed by it, and you can tell they're just a different, they're on a different time. But I don't, you know, I never showed them that I got, I don't think I did, that I got like swallowed or I didn't give it in give stripper, you know. You know, bitches that you see that just give stripper. Yeah, I know. I've always been a free spirit and very wild and very like out there. So no one really thought that I changed much as far as my mentality, because definitely that definitely changed, but everything else, like personality-wise, it's always been the same.

SPEAKER_01 28:22

What advice would you give somebody that is considering becoming a stripper?

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Embed. Inbez. Because there's nothing worse than claiming to have made all that money and not having anything to show. That's embarrassing. That's that'll automatically give you a look like, oh, oh, so you're a loser. Oh, okay, unfriend block. Yeah, that for sure and best bitch.

SPEAKER_01 28:51

Thank you for listening to More Than Glitter, Voices Unheard. We hope you enjoyed this episode. If you haven't already, please subscribe, share, and leave a five-star review. Tune in next week for part two of Shani's story, where the journey into understanding, acceptance, and the beauty of being seen for who we truly are continues. Remember, everyone has a journey the world never sees. Be kind and remember you are loved. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, it's crucial to seek help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 800-799-7233. 800 799-7233. You are not alone. You're like worked up.

SPEAKER_00 29:43

I'm like, I'm triggering you. I'm working on my triggers. Like, I'm very reactive. Girl, every time she will put me on a move, I'll be like, how much you want from this? And she'll be like, oh no, you're good, you're good. But sometimes she'll be like, Yeah, give me some, give me this. I'm like, oh I'm like, here, here, here, daddy. No, you're good. I heard you all was like penny in trouble, girl. AJ will tell you. Gutter, happy cat bitches. I forgot to say. I just have the thing just for cussing people out. Because you gotta fucking hear about yourself. The fuck, you're not gonna sit here and talk to me crazy. Anyway, because that's what it is an understanding between two hustlers. You no work is for free. No work is for free. If it's a favor, you better make sure that that that you return that fucking favor later on, and you are in debt now. So, but I don't have a bra on right now, but